I Cannot Sew

How to Sew A Remote Control Caddy in 20 Easy Steps!

1. Find really cool looking flamingo patterned fabric in one of those "yard of precut fabric!" packages, purchase on a whim.
2. Leave in craft box for at least 3 months while you figure out the pattern.
3. Decide that a rectangle folded over on itself is just about the easiest freaking thing ever and suck it up.
4. Dig out fabric, measure approximately how tall the pocket should be. Fold it over.
5. Cut off rectangle of fabric approximtely as tall as pocket.
6. Get bored, put back in craft box for another couple of months before it migrates slowly under your bed.
7. Sometime in the next 2 months, decide you need the caddy and dig out fabric from floor under bed.
8. Have no idea why you cut the fabric in the first place. Pin right sides together and sew it back on.
9. Pin fabric into a tube and sew together. Realize fabric is really wrinkled (probably as a result of its multi-month long sojourn on the floor) and you should probably iron it and press the seams.
10. Remember iron is downstairs and you are not. Say "Eh, fuck it. It's a pocket that holds remotes" and continue on. Revisit this decision in all successive steps.
11. Sew bottom of tube shut, flip inside out.
12. Pour in plastic pellets (the kind you put in a hackeysack) into bottom of tube.
13. Attempt to sew a line of stitches over the top of where the pellets will be.
14. Accept that you are never going to actually get ALL the pellets stuck in the bottom. Aim for as many as possible.
15. Tuck in raw edges at open end, sew together.
16. Fold pocket up, pin and sew forming one long pocket.
17. Insert remotes and measure how big individual pockets should be.
18. Pin pockets.
19. Realize there is absolutely no way you're going to bother sewing individual pockets and remove pins.
20. Drape over end of something (such as arm of sofa or the bar on the side of my file cabinet). Insert remotes. Enjoy!